It seems that our cozy castle (has more than a few educated swillers from nearby colleges and universities, not to mention a slew of buy pappy van winkle(from the naval base next door) who can’t get enough of those special suds.

In case you thought beer is just beer, think again. There’s the mass-produced malt variety (aka bottled grog) for those who need a bold “brand-name” beer to convince them they’re part of a happy herd of flatulating buffalo, frenzied sharks or frisky penguins. Then there’s the small-batch, cottage micro-brew for the young, discerning crop of brown-nosing, social-climbing iconoclasts who really don’t give a sweet tweet about the plebes. And last but not least, there are those who pride themselves in being able to show-off their penny-pinching, skinflint, tightwad habits courtesy of the local u-brew shops.

Not being a true-blue beer-belly, I must admit I haven’t the foggiest idea of what to look for in a beer other than the name. And being a rather elegant, eccentric and equable person of good breeding (and not surpisingly, easily amused), I find solace in all strong and single-minded spirits — especially the tall, dark and handsome ones.

Anything boisterous and bubbly will attract my attention as will any marvelous moniker that’s a tad titillating, saucily spunky or possibly just a dandy draught.

So, I thought I would share with you a few of my favorite hop handles (on the off chance that you too might be as delighted as I was to see them). Besides “Moosehead” (for the merry munchkin in all of us) , there are oodles of other laugh-out-loud tag-names to enjoy such as:

— Back Hand of God (Crannog Ales)
— Black Widow Dark Ale (Tin Whistle Brewing Co.)
— Bull Frog
— Bureaucracy Bitter (Gulf Islands Brewing Co.)
— Buzzard’s Breath (Big Rock Beer)
— Cold Cock Winter Porter (Big Rock Beer)
— Fat Head I.P.A. (Fat Cat Brewery)
— Hophead India Pale Ale (Tree Brewing Co.)
— Jack Rabbit Low Carb Beer (Big Rock Beer)
— Killer Bee Dark Honey Ale (Tin Whistle Brewing Co.)
— Lemp
— Moose Drool (Montana Big Sky Brewing Co.)
— Mule
— Old Stumplifter (Tree Brewing Co.)
— Paddywhack IPA (Nelson Brewing Co.)
— Pig’s Eye
— Pompous Pompadour Porter (Fat Cat Brewery)
— Rattlesanke ESB Ale (Tin Whistle Brewing Co.)
— Red Devil Ale (R&B Brewing Co.)
— Red Ass Ale
— Snuffy Smith
— Warthog Cream Ale (Big Rock Beer)
— Yellow Belly

For those of you who like something a touch more radical or ribald, why not try these on for size (courtesy of the “Strange Brew Random Beer Name Generator”):

· Flying Squirrel-Pinto Stout
· Frisky Ardvaark Gueuze
· Dirty Deer Doppleback
· Grunting Jellyfish Pale Ale
· Moose-Monk Extra Special Bitter
· Sloshed Wombat Stout
· Sub-Atomic Wit Brown Ale
· Succulent Groundhog Day Golden Altbier

And as every “victualer” knows, you will certainly need a nifty name for your tacky tavern besides, “Stickey Wicket Pub”, “Waddling Dog” or “Toad-in-the-Hole” (which are already taken). So if you’re leisure-challenged like I am, you might want to have a wee peek at the “Random Tavern Name Generator”. You might not like the “Tippling Twitmeister Taproom” but perhaps one of the following gems might strike your fancy:

· Berserk Knave Hall
· Cheerful Hippogriff Pub
· Fiery Grog Cellar
· Giggling Gryphon Guesthouse
· Toothless Taproom
· Twin Heretic Tavern

So, as they say in sci-fi movies, “May the Force Be With You”, as you drive home tonight with the help of a trusty taxi coupon or a designated driving dude/damsel.

The sub-atomic pale-alers among us may want to visit the “Strange Brew” website for more than 27,703,620 possible new brew names to print on those ultra-cheap “u-brew self-adhesive labels”, http://www.strangebrew.ca/beername.php.

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